Brain tumour awareness month

We're nearing the end of brain tumour awareness month and, to be honest, it all feels a bit raw. For today, it's two years since Tim died. It's been a tough month.

Training has been slow. My writing's felt wooden. I've suffered from insomnia and managed on nights of four hours' sleep. Needless to say comfort eating has returned, shaking hands, racing heart and all the other things that go with grief and anxiety.

But I'm determined to get back up again. I'm better than this time last year. At least I've managed some walks - not as many as I'd scheduled and my longest only seven miles - but it's a start. I'll get back on the diet as I know I feel better for it. And I'll try to shrug off March and make a note for next year not to plan too much because it might be a tricky month.

I'm looking forward. Trying not to look back. This time next year I'll be fit enough for the trek. My new hiking boots will be worn in and my supplies at the ready. For in just a couple of days I'll be taking the train to Heathrow (I think) to meet with my other trekking partners and jetting off to the Dead Sea. It's scary. But I've learned during this last two years that sometimes being scared is a good thing.

And speaking of trekking partners - I've met (on social media) another lady who's signed up. I'd hoped we might be training partners but it turns out she lives in the Outer Hebrides....and I'm here in Essex. Before we knew that lockdown would last forever (well, it feels like it), I'd hoped to get up to her part of the world with Molly and Jesamine. Now I'm not so sure. I hear that most campsites are booked up and I think the roads will be busy. It's a shame - I could do with all the hills to help with my training!

As it's brain tumour awareness month, it seems appropriate to launch my Just Giving page. It feels really cheeky asking people to donate - asking for things doesn't come easily to me. I used to drive Tim crazy with it: 'Why don't you just ask, if you need my help?' He'd shake his head in despair. I don't know why I find it difficult to ask for help but I'm learning. Anyway, on this occasion I'm finding it easier because I'm not personally asking for your help. The whole point of this is to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity. When Tim was diagnosed, a doctor explained to me that brain tumour research is at the same place that breast cancer research was thirty years ago. In other words, if the research had been further on, Tim might have stood a chance. If not survived, then maybe had a few more years. How wonderful would that have been? He might have at least retired from work.....

Anyway, I can't think of the 'what-ifs'. They set off a flow-chart in my head that drives me crazy. It's all about looking forward now that March is nearly over.

If you can spare a little (perhaps the price of a coffee?) I'd be so grateful. If you can't, then not to worry - these are tough times.

Whether you can spare a little or not, I hope you can be with me on my journey, cheering me on.

But if you'd like to donate to my Just Giving page, click here.

Thank you. 💗



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