This One's for Tim

  It's been a busy week. With only just over ten weeks to go, the pressure's ramping up. Training's going well. I'm not quite where I want to be but as it took so long to get over the chest infection I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. As well as walking longer distances I joined a class last weekend learning how to Nordic Walk. What a revelation it was! Done properly (and I'm still trying to refine the technique!) it burns more calories than normal walking and uses many more muscles - especially upper body. I had a super time as well as feeling as if I'd done a work out. My class mates were great fun and the instructor was wonderful. So much so, I've signed up to weekly classes. No, I won't be Nordic Walking in the desert, but I've learned better posture and how to walk more efficiently which can only help.  A lovely surprise is that the instructor and a couple of people from the class have donated to my fundraiser - so now I'm up to 86...

This Christmas has been hard. The hardest since Tim died. I'd thought it would get easier but somehow everything crashed down this year. On Boxing Day I couldn't get out of the chair and since then I've days when I've functioned (and even laughed) but days when I haven't been able to get out of bed. Perhaps it's remembering his last Christmas when he was bone-achingly tired. When he seemed vulnerable. Something in him had shifted. On 4th January we knew why - a brain tumour. But we still had hope at that point. We thought it might not be too bad, that it could be removed. It would take a couple of weeks before we learned the truth. Little did we know that we would be planning his funeral in less than three months. It's hard to say, but I've been right on the edge, these last few weeks. Weighing up if my life's worth it. If I want to face God-knows how many more years ahead. Alone. Lonely. Missing Tim. I feel selfish writing this. Tim would be so cros...