This One's for Tim

Last night I began watching the latest series of the crime drama, Shetland . I’m late to it, I know. I was full of excitement when it came out but I couldn’t watch it. Not until now. As many of you know, I found solace in Shetland after Tim died. The landscape and the people helped me to heal. Helped me to learn how to breathe again. Helped me to see that happiness might be possible again. Although Tim and I had n ever visited Shetland (well, he’d had an emergency overnight stay there once – he’d been taken off an oil rig but it was too foggy for the helicopter to make it back to the mainland. He told me he was in a hotel, miles away from anywhere, and the sun didn’t set until after ten o’clock), I was drawn to it. Instinctively I knew that I had to be there. Perhaps Tim’s memory had lodged itself deep in my mind, I’m not sure. But I didn’t remember his story until I was in Shetland and I drove past a sign for St Magnus Bay. Magnus had been the name of an oil rig he’d worked on sev...

I'm almost at the end of my three weeks in the Lake District. It was to be part holiday, part writing but most importantly..... trek training. The first week went well. I was testing out my toes, making sure they were broken in gently. I had odd bouts of discomfort but on the whole I managed. I'm learning how to alleviate the twinges before they turn to pain. Realising how different terrain creates different pressure which leads to toe trouble. I've even discovered that 'hiking' socks don't work for me - they're too thick and bulky. My Fitbit was ecstatic! It's never seen so much movement. And it was really encouraging to sit back with a hot chocolate at the end of the day and see how many steps I'd done. Yay! for the Lake District. Bring it on, week two. Well. On week two I started with a bit of a cold. Nothing to worry about. This week I'd planned to take  on two longer treks and if I could manage my toes, a sniffle wasn't going to stop me....

  I've been quiet. Too afraid to carry on fundraising as I've had some problems with my feet. Well, my toes to be exact. It turns out I've got something called Morton's neuroma which is my own fault for wearing high heels with pointy toes when I was younger. To be honest, my mum probably told me I shouldn't and I'm sure I ignored her. After all, who cares about saving your feet for when you're in your fifties when you can be cramming them in to all sorts of shiny, heely things to go dancing (and, gosh, how I loved dancing). Anyway, I've had a steroid injection in one of the toes which stopped the pain for a couple of months. I've bought the widest fitting hiking boots known to mankind (just call me Boaty MacBoat Feet as I look like I have flippers on). I've been very careful to avoid any footwear that pinches. I've done everything I can. And now I'm in the Lake District for training (well, it's a holiday really but I'm justifying ...

One of the lovely ladies on the trek in April next year found a video on YouTube by Russell Morgan Davies who took part in the trek in April 2015 . It's been really helpful to see what people wear (we have a kit list but we're obsessing on it just ever so slightly) and what we might expect. I am now excited and terrified in equal measures. I am not a person known for bravery. Nursing lovely daughter, and then Tim were the hardest and scariest things I've ever had to do in my life. And I figure that nothing will come close to that, so what am I scared of? Here are my top five lists of good things and not so good things: Good things list : Sheep (oh, they are just adorable). Donkeys (I might have to smuggle one home). Beetles (I love the little critters - especially the shiny ones). Portaloos at least at one of the camps (another lady on the trek and I have been a bit anxious about the loo situation). Wow! That architecture (and a jolly good party at the end). Not so good thi...

Something's woken me. Something stirring in the back of my mind. I reach across the bed, gently, softly, not wanting to wake him but needing to feel his skin. Rest my hand on his chest and count with the rise and fall to lull me back to sleep. I jolt awake. Insomnia. I'm used to it. But in these early hours it's different. I make tea and toast knowing that sleep has drifted away. I come back to bed and turn on my little radio - my saviour when the night is too big. And on comes Lord of the Dance  - one of our wedding songs. And it feels so right. For today, is our wedding anniversary. I'm sure I was awake at this hour thirty-six years ago, filled with excitement. My parents' house swelled with relatives and I was spending my last night in my little box room. I was twenty-two years old and I was soon to walk down the aisle and begin a new life. But before that there was a frantic day filled with picking up the wedding cake, the hair salon, laughing with parents, brot...

At last I have a diagnosis for my foot pain - it's got the grand name Morton's neuroma . Thanks Morton for giving it a name - I really appreciate it. So let's step back (no pun intended) a bit before the diagnosis. Lovely dog, Molly, loves to jump and stamp her feet. She really is very sweet but I don't encourage the jumping as she's a large greyhound. But because I haven't been able to take her out for long walks, she's fizzing with energy. Three weeks ago, she was so excited about something that I can't recall now and she took a huge jump and landed on my little toe. Next to the one that's causing me trouble. Anyway, as luck would have it, I had an appointment with the Pod (podiatry) team the following week who confirmed that it was broken. So now I had two toes causing me pain. I couldn't take the dog out at all. I couldn't get anything on my feet.  Last week I had another appointment with the Pod team. This time for an ultrasound. Sadly t...

When I signed up for this trek I knew I'd have to face several obstacles: losing weight, getting fit, the heat, hills..... Never in my imaginings did I think that my feet might be a problem. They are the things that are getting me there. They are the things on which everything rests. They are not supposed to be tripping me up. But they are. I've had toe discomfort on and off for the last few years but nothing to worry about. In Shetland it would sometimes play up but I put it down to my sturdy boots being too, well, sturdy. So I've been doing my training in my old faithfuls which I finally had to throw away as they were ripped, let water in, and then the soles began to flap around. Never mind , I thought. I can buy some new boots fit for the trek.  I was feeling a bit smug - a reason to spend some money, and bought nice and early to break in. Pride, they say, comes before a fall. Mrs Smug has now been replaced by Mrs Pie in the Face. My toe issue is back and it's excruc...